Usually anniversaries are things we love to celebrate. Whether it be the anniversary of the start of a relationship or of years worked with a single company or recovery from a life-threatening illness or of time sober, they are things we want to note and embrace and take joy in. They are easy anniversaries filled with good feelings.
But there are other anniversaries that are not so easy. The ones that are filled with pain and tears and are so very hard. The anniversary of a marriage failed, of a loved ones’ life-altering injury, a death. These are the ones that often times go unmentioned, unacknowledged and yet cause the greatest pain.
I know about both of these anniversaries but lately my mind and heart has been occupied by the latter of the two. It has been filled with grief and pain. Heartache and sorrow. A deep soul longing to return to a time that is no longer and a relationship that forever is frozen in time.
3 years ago we were waiting on a bed in hospice for my mom.
3 years ago my kids & I visited her in her home with our brand new kitten in our hands. She knew us but was so very weak and frail. A few days later she was admitted to hospice.
A few days later she went to be with Jesus.
On Wednesday it will be 3 years since we had to say goodbye to my mom. I know she went to Heaven and I will see her again but in the meantime we have to learn to live life without her here. Some days it’s really really hard. Sometimes it’s a series of days.
Lately it’s been a series of days, almost going on weeks now. I miss my mom. There are so many good things going on in our lives right now, big changes that she would love to be a part of, and so many other things that I would really love to be able to ask her about or talk to her about.
Sometimes anniversaries are easy. Sometimes they are really hard. Both are part of life and we can’t appreciate the one without the other. While I wish with all my heart that this upcoming anniversary wasn’t one that my family had to face, I also can’t help but be thankful for the many years of memories that have made my mom’s passing so hard. I’ll embrace the tears and the painful memories and keep on living life knowing she’d like what she’s seeing.
Below are some of my favorite memories in recent years with my mom: