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When I Leave The Room

My favorite time of day is the moment when I walk with Liam into his room , sit down in the rocking chair beside his bed, settle him into my arms and begin to sing –

Nighty night
Sleep tight
I will see you in the morning light
Mommy loves you
Daddy loves you
And Jesus loves you too

This is the same lullaby my mom sang to me every night for many years and that I sang to Emily and Isaac as well. Now it’s Liam’s turn.

If you were to ask me just what I was telling my children as I sang those words over and over, night after night, I don’t know that I could have put it into words. Tonight ended that.

My Babies & I - August 2013

My Babies & I – August 2013

Tonight, after snuggling for a little while (several repetitions of our lullaby), Liam decided he just wanted to snuggle (rather than nurse & snuggle) so I decided to change things up a little. I found a new song by Natalie Grant, a lullaby, in my music library on my phone and pressed play.

It was only moments before the tears started to flow. This is what I have been saying to my children every time I have sung this song. This is what my mom was saying to me every night as she tucked me in and every day, every night, after until she finally left the room.

Poor Liam. Tonight he had to wipe my tears off his face as they dripped down and gently fell on him. I cried for my children, for my mom, for loss and for love.

Then I left the room.

Check out Natalie’s song “When I Leave The Room” here – grab a tissue though – you just might need it. I’ve included the lyrics below.

Good night looks like we made it through the day
The moon sighs and I know that we’re okay
Sleep tight I love to watch you drift away
I would come with you but on my knees I’ll stay
 
Good night five little fingers holding mine
Take flight into your dreams and lullabies
There’s nothing more that I can do
But just fall more in love with you
And ask the angel armies to stand by
When I leave the room
 
I’m gonna fail you I already have
Ten thousand times I will fall down flat
You’ll have a seat in the front row
of everything that I don’t know
And all I’m trying to be you’ll see
 
Good night there will be storms that we come through
In time we will slay dragons me and you
I’ll always wanna hold you tight
Keep you safe with all my might
So I will leave Jesus next to you
When I leave the room
 
And you will run ahead as if you know the way
And I will pray more than one should have to pray
There will be words we can’t take back
Silences too
And I’ll be on my knees you’ll see
 
One night when I am old and unsteady
You’ll want me to fight
but I’ll tell you that I’m ready
When there’s nothing left to do
I will still be loving you
Then you’ll fold your fingers into mine
and I’ll let Jesus hold you tight
When I leave the room
 
written by Bernie Herms, Nichole Ellyse Nordeman & Natalie Diane Grant
Lyrics (C) Universal Music Publishing Group
2013
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